Monday, January 12, 2009

Don't be hatin on my jams!!

Yesterday Brian, Jakob and myself braved the frozen air to do "our miles". They were running 6, I was walking 3. It was suppose to be 4 but I was cold and so there you go. I know some of you reading this live where it is a lot colder, but low 30's and outside for long periods of time, are really not my strong suit.
I am lots of things cute, witty, slightly odd but a Northern, I am not :)

I ran about a mile and a half of my 3 miles and let me tell you my legs are CURSING SCREAMING today!!! And what they are saying I can't translate on my blog because I promised the Blogher people there would be no profanity on here.
Damn it did I really do that??

Of course while I was running my ass calories off, I was jamming to my oldies but goodies!

Yesterday's selections were Salt n Pepa, Tupac and Lauryn Hill. I am learning lots of things about myself as the years go on.
One of those things is, my inner black woman is clawing to get out of me!!
My music choices lately have reminded me of this.

Another thing that I notice more in more is that all of these songs that I'm reminiscing with really have had a meaningful effect in my life at one time or another. Good or bad they still have stuck with me after all this time.

I have been feeling a little apprehensive about a few things in my life lately. I don't do well with stepping out of my comfort zone. So basically doing anything that does not involve kids, preferably my kids, I don't do well with. Being at home for the last 13 years with my kids, has taught me lots of things about myself. But one thing I haven't gotten from it was, its OK to eventually do your own thing. I have always thought in the back of mind (way,way.....did I say WAY, in the back) that I would go back to school. Well it's not really back because I never went. I was married at 19, a baby at 20, another one at 23 and then another at 26.

Now I'm thinking if I'm going to do this, I need to start with enough of a prayer chance to graduate before Alex starts.

So what's the problem your thinking?

SCARED and FAILURE, plain in simple.

Not failure at school but failure to not be able to continue to have 10 balls in the air at one time. And do it well.

Scared that I'm going to realize the dreams I had as a little girl are just those, dreams and nothing more.

I talk often about the demons friends in my head.

We all have them I know, its just how far do we let them go.

I let mine have to much fun at the playground some days. Yesterday as I was dying jogging, I kept thinking to myself, really what are you afraid of, get your head straight and just do it.
If you try something and its not what you thought then deal with it then.
But you won't know until you try.....

And then in one of the last songs I listened to Lauryn Hill reminded me.

How you gonna win if you ain't right within?
(Laugh if you want, but I LOVE THAT LINE) it might not be grammatically correct but it sure does make a hell of a lot of sense

I went home and had a nice long bath talk with my husband and decided that I need to put the friends in time out for awhile and just do it!!

Do what you ask?

UMMM..........president, chef, mother of the year, author, college graduate!!


I'm sure I can find a Bell Biv DeVoe song that can help me with that.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

You can do it!

One class at a time, just like one step at a time when you're jogging.

It's for you, but also for your kids. Setting a good example. And it's never too late. Education is a LIFE LONG journey and you never graduate. Even if you just do a bit here and a bit there, you will be all the better for it.

My mom went back to school when I was in high school to get her social work degree. It set such a great example for me and it taught me that you can always continue to better yourself/educate yourself.

"What's your dream?" (Yes, that's a quote from one of my all time favorite movies, Pretty Woman.)

This is such an exciting time! Go for it!