I want to be the best. There I said it. I have been asked by so many people lately, what do you want to do? Why are you going to school, NOW?
And out of all the answers I can think of and have said, that's the one that plays a little tune in the back of my brain over and over again.
The best at what, I ask myself?
Putting sentences into correct form and knowing when to use there, their, they're and dammit?
Not so much!
How about just being the best Heidi that I can be.
Heidi being, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, student, Drill Sergeant, EVERYTHING. And if all the Math, Spelling and dammit stuff fall into there, then that's just icing on my Doberge cake. (31 days and counting people!!)
At a certain age I realized I'm REALLY not a half ass way of doing things person. It actually makes me a little nutty to have things not resolved. Conversations, projects, laundry. EVERYTHING!
Everyday, I need to have resolution on WHATEVER, no matter how mundane the task might be. Because in my cob webbed filled mind, that is the best. At that task, at that moment.
In all the years that people have asked WHY did you stay home with your kids? How did you not go crazy and need MORE?
Crazy, is an understatement :)
But I always felt that I was doing my best.
Now I'm at a time in my life where I really do want to know if what I think I can do, I can really do well.
If it can't get all my attention and be my best effort, then why try? RIGHT??
Then I go back to a place in my brain (one where the cobwebs can't get to :) and I remember sitting in an East Jefferson hospital room with the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and thinking, OK you got this, one minute at a time. And if we break something along the way, it can always be fixed. As long as I try my best!!
My children here those words more times than they can count. It's not about being first in our house. It's about trying your best and having manners while you do it.
Sounds pretty simple, but at the end of the day, I need to practice what I preach.
I'm trying my best, one minute at a time, DAMMIT.....