I recently realized while watching my 3 children interact with each other (the tall one telling the girl one that she was telling the hazel eyed one the wrong story) how lucky each of my days with them are. While listening to them, I knew the girl one was going to get her feelings hurt by the tall one and the tall one was going to be aggravated that the girl one was upset (again), all the while the hazel eyed one was going to be like, "mom, what's for dinner?"
Simple pleasures in life.
Simple being the silly arguments and pleasures being the 3 humans god has in trusted to me.
In the last few months I've done a lot of reevaluation's in my life. And in the process I've tried to do a lot of listening.
Listening to myself is hard for me.
I try and talk myself out of things or into things. All the while knowing that I just need to breathe and listen, and the right way will be shown to me.
So I have.
The good, the bad and the not so tasty morsels that I, somewhere along the way, have manged to bury inside me, I've allowed them back to the party.
I decided to listen to myself the same way I would with my children. Not judging right from the start and letting my thoughts and words marinade for awhile.
Another simple pleasure.
Simple being me, always trying to be my own worse enemy and pleasure realizing that I'm really just getting to old for that shit.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
the day I became another statistic
If I thought that anyone out there really cared about why I have allowed my blog to grow cob webs, my explanation would start with.....here's a little ditty about a woman who needs 5 more hours in a day. And you (all being crazy busy people yourself) would say yeah yeah welcome to the club lady, the line starts back --------------->there.
So instead of bitching about how blessed I am to have such an active and full life, I'm going to tell you how I have gotten it (semi) under control. When I say control, I mean me, as in me not feeling like I'm losing the last few shreds of nerves, patience, sanity and non gray hairs that I have left. This doesn't mean that I'm going to blog regularly again, or become Paula Dean in a smaller body. What it does mean though is that I have noticed in the last 2 years that I am not myself. And I want me back.
It started off very slow and gradually over time has gotten worse. On the outside most people don't notice. I still act, love and pray the same most of the time. But things that have never stressed me out were starting to bother me.
More and more.
Bit by bit.
I've been home with 3 kids all under the age of 6 before, a husband traveling constantly and a bank account that left any entertainment up to my imagination. That was no sweat.
As my kids have gotten older certain things have gotten easier and some things have gotten more deliberate. That's to be expected. When I added college student to my repertoire of things to do in a day, I think I threw myself into an unhealthy cycle that (at times) had me feeling like I was drowning. It took me a while but I sent out an SOS call and got some help. My kids and husband are awesome people, so I think that it was even that much harder for me to vocalize certain feelings, because I know it could be so much worse.
But I did speak up and what I learned is
I can't do it all.
There I said it, dammit.
I want to do it all.
I want to be an awesome mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, scholar, citizen, Catholic, you name it and I want it. I'm realizing that by trying to be it all, I was slowly loosing me.
And-well-I like me, and I decided to get me back.
Through talking with my husband, children, friends and doctor; I've come to terms with-dusty baseboards are ok, not being at everything at my kids schools is ok and sandwiches 2 times a week isn't going to kill anyone. I believe that I am now on a path to less anxiety and more of a path that appreciates achievements. It doesn't mean that my life has gotten any less crazy, but it does mean that I am choosing to
stop
breathe
and decide
what I'm going to do, instead of just reacting.
And awesome or not, I'm still going to be me.
And that feels pretty good.
So instead of bitching about how blessed I am to have such an active and full life, I'm going to tell you how I have gotten it (semi) under control. When I say control, I mean me, as in me not feeling like I'm losing the last few shreds of nerves, patience, sanity and non gray hairs that I have left. This doesn't mean that I'm going to blog regularly again, or become Paula Dean in a smaller body. What it does mean though is that I have noticed in the last 2 years that I am not myself. And I want me back.
It started off very slow and gradually over time has gotten worse. On the outside most people don't notice. I still act, love and pray the same most of the time. But things that have never stressed me out were starting to bother me.
More and more.
Bit by bit.
I've been home with 3 kids all under the age of 6 before, a husband traveling constantly and a bank account that left any entertainment up to my imagination. That was no sweat.
As my kids have gotten older certain things have gotten easier and some things have gotten more deliberate. That's to be expected. When I added college student to my repertoire of things to do in a day, I think I threw myself into an unhealthy cycle that (at times) had me feeling like I was drowning. It took me a while but I sent out an SOS call and got some help. My kids and husband are awesome people, so I think that it was even that much harder for me to vocalize certain feelings, because I know it could be so much worse.
But I did speak up and what I learned is
I can't do it all.
There I said it, dammit.
I want to do it all.
I want to be an awesome mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, scholar, citizen, Catholic, you name it and I want it. I'm realizing that by trying to be it all, I was slowly loosing me.
And-well-I like me, and I decided to get me back.
Through talking with my husband, children, friends and doctor; I've come to terms with-dusty baseboards are ok, not being at everything at my kids schools is ok and sandwiches 2 times a week isn't going to kill anyone. I believe that I am now on a path to less anxiety and more of a path that appreciates achievements. It doesn't mean that my life has gotten any less crazy, but it does mean that I am choosing to
stop
breathe
and decide
what I'm going to do, instead of just reacting.
And awesome or not, I'm still going to be me.
And that feels pretty good.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Peace, love and back roads
On my quest for better physical fitness (aka: torturing myself) this year, I also decided to try and set my brain and spirit up for a little spiritual boot camp challenge. Letting go - or at least trying to - of silly miscellaneous things in life that sometimes weigh us down for no reason other than because it can. Some days I feel like my tank is on E and I'm on the back roads with no Shell stations in sight. And other days I find my center and everything in the world is right. I know it sounds all Gandhi like, but trying to get to a place in your head that you can find peace and clarity (even if for only a few minutes a day) is a huge task. And once your able to find it, you realize how much you have been starving for it and crave it in your life.
Awhile back as I was out on a long run (see above aka: for details) I started to have a feeling of warmth come over me. Of course it's summer in the South so I was sweating like a pig and 5 shades of blood red, but it wasn't that kind of warmth. It was a different feeling all on it's own. After I realized that I was not having a heat stroke and the baby Jesus was not coming to take me away, I started to embrace the different feeling. I had come to a point in my run where my body and mind were working together, as opposed to every other run where the battle in my brain always short changes my body. Early that day, I tried to reflect on the pains that my body was battling with, the bruised toe nails that apparently I'm going to have to learn to love, and the voice in me that always screws with me when I get to the bottom of another hill. On that day, just that day, I had beat the voice. Each day after, has brought it's own share of conflicts and moments where I wish that warmth would come back over me. Sometimes it does and other times I'm to distracted to even notice.
I joined a local gym recently and have embraced the work out classes they offer. A few years back a friend and I started yoga. We would laugh and cut up and have a good ole time but never really took it seriously. I wanted to go into the class this time with a fresh outlook and really try to take it seriously. I'm so glad that I did. I need the peace and quiet a few times a week all the while while having an amazing workout at the same time. As I feel my body getting stronger, I feel my mind at ease. And believe me, with some of the bat shit crazies I deal with in a day I'm thankful for the relief. I know that comment wasn't very nice but I did start this off by saying that I was TRYING......and I am. But just like everything else I've ever done I'm taking the scenic route to get there.
Awhile back as I was out on a long run (see above aka: for details) I started to have a feeling of warmth come over me. Of course it's summer in the South so I was sweating like a pig and 5 shades of blood red, but it wasn't that kind of warmth. It was a different feeling all on it's own. After I realized that I was not having a heat stroke and the baby Jesus was not coming to take me away, I started to embrace the different feeling. I had come to a point in my run where my body and mind were working together, as opposed to every other run where the battle in my brain always short changes my body. Early that day, I tried to reflect on the pains that my body was battling with, the bruised toe nails that apparently I'm going to have to learn to love, and the voice in me that always screws with me when I get to the bottom of another hill. On that day, just that day, I had beat the voice. Each day after, has brought it's own share of conflicts and moments where I wish that warmth would come back over me. Sometimes it does and other times I'm to distracted to even notice.
I joined a local gym recently and have embraced the work out classes they offer. A few years back a friend and I started yoga. We would laugh and cut up and have a good ole time but never really took it seriously. I wanted to go into the class this time with a fresh outlook and really try to take it seriously. I'm so glad that I did. I need the peace and quiet a few times a week all the while while having an amazing workout at the same time. As I feel my body getting stronger, I feel my mind at ease. And believe me, with some of the bat shit crazies I deal with in a day I'm thankful for the relief. I know that comment wasn't very nice but I did start this off by saying that I was TRYING......and I am. But just like everything else I've ever done I'm taking the scenic route to get there.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Peachtree Road Race take 5!!
We're tagged up and ready to go!
Alex, Brian and me
me and my hubby
Alex and Brian
(how's the weather down there dad :)
I LOVE the start of the race!
BEAUTIFUL!!
here we go!
the sights
the Bald Eagles were a huge hit!
This gentlemen was my motivation to get up cardiac hill.
And believe me, it worked!
SWEET SWEET SUCCESS!
This was Brian and I's 5th year of participating in the Peachtree Road Race. This 10K has become part of our 4th of July tradition. Although I've done the race in previous years, I've never run the whole thing. I was determined this year to run the full 6.2 miles. My son Alex stayed with me and helped me over my 4 mile hump. He was such a good motivator and kept me laughing all most the whole time.
(except for the one part around mile 5 that I thought I was going to throw up, that was SO NOT funny)
I finished the race in 1 hour and 6 minutes.
My superman hubby wanted to beat 44 minutes and he did, with a time of 43 minutes and 55 seconds.
Yes he does ROCK!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
this little piggie
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
me time
At the end of a long summer day - after all the watermelon has been eaten, the battles of the day have been extinguished, the fifth round of sandwiches have been devoured, the sunscreens been washed away and bodies have been (at least half way) showered, that's my favorite time.
I grab my latest magazine - titled something about cooking - my cocktail of choice and sit on my porch and thank the lord for the crazy day he has given me and for the strength to do it all over again the next day.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Run Heidi Run!!
Back in February when our frozen tundra was finally lifting and I was coming out of my gumbo, chili, and potato soup coma I decided that this year....2011.... was going to be the year that I get into shape.
Like real shape.
Like when I blow dry my hair my arm flags don't slap me in the cheeks and my behind gets back to it's natural resting place, you know off the backs of my legs.
I've always enjoyed walking and can walk for miles. The problem is walking doesn't really do for me what I need to be done. Another problem is I don't like sweat or sore muscles or pushing myself hard or at all for that matter.
So what does a person that doesn't like any of those things decide she is going to do?
She decides to become a runner....
Your laughing with me, RIGHT??
This is (as is most things) all my husbands fault. The man is one of those effortless looking runners. Only I know it's not effortless. I know the pain he is in, the ice bathes he soaks in, the blisters he shaves off his feet, the leg spasm isms he has, but still while he is running, he is smooth, and graceful and he makes me want to punch him in the face. He pushes through everything and always keeps on going.
I've tried for years to run. My knees hurt, my back hurts, my ear lobes hurt, you name it and it hurt.
Never once did I think, well, it is RUNNING and it ain't suppose to not hurt!!
But for some reason I decided this year was going to be different. No matter what body part hurt, I was going to keep trying.
And I have....
And I'm doing better.
It's not pretty at all, but I'm not quitting. The first week in June I started doing a boot camp, three times a week and that has motivated me even more. The first week was rough but I feel better and stronger at the end of each week. And not only better and stronger in my body but in my mind. I'm pushing myself harder than I ever have, lord help me I'm sweating like a whore in church on a regular basis. I have 3 running days a week, and I'm learning that my progress is only going to go as far as I allow it.
I really am the captain of my own ship Mr. Morgan Freeman!!
I told my girlfriend the other morning (the same girlfriend that I talked into doing the butt crack of dawn boot camp with me :) I don't know what's going to kill me first, being a 35 year old college student or trying to be a runner. But just like my first semester at school, yes it was hard, yes it sucked some times. But it was all worth it when I registered for my next semester of school. And not for any other reason other than I accomplished it. I know it's silly, but silly seems to be my new middle name.
Oh and did I mention I signed up to do a half marathon in November?? There was no alcohol involved when making the decision and I'm actually really excited about it. Probably more excited about my 13.1 magnet that I can't wait to sport on my car :)
I'm up to 3-4 miles straight, at an eleven minute pace, like with no oxygen masks or ambulances involved!
I know I have a long way to go but I'm ready, well at least I think I'm ready.
I'll keep you posted.........
Like real shape.
Like when I blow dry my hair my arm flags don't slap me in the cheeks and my behind gets back to it's natural resting place, you know off the backs of my legs.
I've always enjoyed walking and can walk for miles. The problem is walking doesn't really do for me what I need to be done. Another problem is I don't like sweat or sore muscles or pushing myself hard or at all for that matter.
So what does a person that doesn't like any of those things decide she is going to do?
She decides to become a runner....
Your laughing with me, RIGHT??
This is (as is most things) all my husbands fault. The man is one of those effortless looking runners. Only I know it's not effortless. I know the pain he is in, the ice bathes he soaks in, the blisters he shaves off his feet, the leg spasm isms he has, but still while he is running, he is smooth, and graceful and he makes me want to punch him in the face. He pushes through everything and always keeps on going.
I've tried for years to run. My knees hurt, my back hurts, my ear lobes hurt, you name it and it hurt.
Never once did I think, well, it is RUNNING and it ain't suppose to not hurt!!
But for some reason I decided this year was going to be different. No matter what body part hurt, I was going to keep trying.
And I have....
And I'm doing better.
It's not pretty at all, but I'm not quitting. The first week in June I started doing a boot camp, three times a week and that has motivated me even more. The first week was rough but I feel better and stronger at the end of each week. And not only better and stronger in my body but in my mind. I'm pushing myself harder than I ever have, lord help me I'm sweating like a whore in church on a regular basis. I have 3 running days a week, and I'm learning that my progress is only going to go as far as I allow it.
I really am the captain of my own ship Mr. Morgan Freeman!!
I told my girlfriend the other morning (the same girlfriend that I talked into doing the butt crack of dawn boot camp with me :) I don't know what's going to kill me first, being a 35 year old college student or trying to be a runner. But just like my first semester at school, yes it was hard, yes it sucked some times. But it was all worth it when I registered for my next semester of school. And not for any other reason other than I accomplished it. I know it's silly, but silly seems to be my new middle name.
Oh and did I mention I signed up to do a half marathon in November?? There was no alcohol involved when making the decision and I'm actually really excited about it. Probably more excited about my 13.1 magnet that I can't wait to sport on my car :)
I'm up to 3-4 miles straight, at an eleven minute pace, like with no oxygen masks or ambulances involved!
I know I have a long way to go but I'm ready, well at least I think I'm ready.
I'll keep you posted.........
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