I called my momma tonight, to find out how her new job is going and just to chat like we always do. So after we do our normal conversation, I tell her "Now let me ask you question" for those of you who don't know me very well, that could mean so many different things. It could be as easy as, do you like my new hair do? Or as bold as, do you think you really enjoy sex? My poor mother never knows whats going to come out of my mouth!!
Tonight it was a little more important, its about who gets my kids?
Last May was the first time Brian and I ever traveled out of state together without our kids. It was a quick, leave Monday morning and come home on Wednesday afternoon. But I felt like I was leaving for weeks.....I had fun while I was gone. But being away from them(my kids) for more than a night and in another state, is awkward to me.
So back to my question, what if something happens to me and Brian?
Who would get my kids?
Who would tell them that they are 3 of Gods most precious gifts?
Who would tell them that they alone, can move mountains and walk on water?
Who would tell them that their parents loved them more than anyone's words could ever describe?
That just looking into their eyes, brought their momma to tears almost daily.
That their smiles are my shooting stars!
Who would tell them that there is nothing in this world they can't do?
Who would know that Alex and Hannah don't like crust on their bread. That Jakob drinks milk with everything. That Hannah never brushes her teeth long enough, so you have to go back with her and help her. That Alex has to sleep with the radio on and Hannah can't sleep with a fan on. Jakob has to have breakfast right when he wakes up in the morning or he feels sick?
And that they have to finish College. NO MATTER WHAT!
Who would do all of this for me?
And of course my mother says, well I will Heidi. (just for the record, my mother is not neurotic at all. She is a very calm, caring person. She does not over step her bounds as a mother at all. She always tells me how she feels but its never in a judgemental way)
now onto her crazy neurotic daughter.....
I am scared to death about not being around to see my kids grow up. It is something that I lay awake at night thinking about a lot. I know that it comes down to control. When I don't have control over something in my life, it makes me a little crazy. Flying on a plane away from my kids, is one of those things.
I also feel that no one could do a better job at being Alex, Jakob and Hannah's momma than me.....
That being said, just for the record I don't want to die! I want to see my beautiful children turn into the most wonderful people in the world. And I know they will, no matter where I am. I JUST WANT TO SEE IT!!!
I also need to clarify that I am not really neurotic, neurotic being unstable. I am very stable, a little dizzy at times but very stable.
I really enjoy life, my life. I try and take nothing for granted in my everyday life. When I love someone I tell them. When something looks good or smells good or taste good, I take note of that and try and tell that person at that moment. Or shortly after.
I am very passionate about the people in my life. When I invest my time in something, it means something to me. I guess instead of calling myself neurotic, I need to say a very passionate person.
Or just a crazy momma!!!